My life this week!

So I took John to the doc for a follow-up visit. He asked what the plan was and we said that nothing was really planned. We were not able to get insurance so that we could go to the surgeon in SLC before he retired in July. He then informed us that the surgeon decided not to retire after all. Our prayers have been answered. Now I just need to get back to work and work for 2 more months to qualify for insurance.

Then we went the next day and talked to a lawyer about fighting for disability. After telling him John's situation he feels that we can win the case. We will probably be denied again but he said that that was standard practice and to then appeal to be seen by a judge. He said that it can take up to a year and a half before all is said and done but he was very hopeful that we would win. It will be nice to have that extra money but it really sucks for John to have to admit it is time for disability. It has been hard to accept for him. I told him that stay-at-home moms do not get paid by the government and he will at least be getting money to help out the family. Now the wait begins.

And last but not least....my phone rang right at dinner the other night and I saw my dad's name on the phone and thought "now what story does he want to tell me about me?" I answered the phone and it was my step-mom (she never calls me) and said that she had to take my dad to the hospital that morning. The she says and I quote "he died on the table!" I gasped, and then she says "oh they shocked him twice and he came back and then they had to put 2 stents into his heart, he is in the CCU now." I about had a fit!!! You do not tell someone He died, that was horrible. She could have said your dad had a heart attack, that would be a little easier to hear. Then she proceeded to tell me that the doctors thought that he was doing well after surgery but she said that they have not been there and that he is not doing well. She said that they thought he would be transferred to a regular room the next day. I thought about it and having had experience in the art of being the spouse of someone in the hospital, I realized that yes you know them well, but the doctors do know what they are talking about.

I was going to call her yesterday for an update but thought that she would have been at the hospital and I did not have her cell phone number. When I did remember (after John reminding me) it was 10:30 their time and I figured it would not be a good time to call her. I called the hospital and after a few run arounds I finally found out that he was still in the CCU and that the nurse was in his room at that moment and they would have him call me back when he was done. The nurse called me about half an hour later and informed me that my had had gone into respiratory failure and distress and therefore they put him on a ventilator and sedated him. GREAT, now what do I do? The nurse was very gracious and helpful and told me that I could call back during the night if I needed to and that they would take good care of my dad. It is very hard to think that my dad could die but then again he is 67, not a young man, and he has had problems with his heart for a while now. I know that he will be in a wonderful place when he does die but still it is hard to think about. He lives in Texas and it is really hard to not be able to just run to the hospital and check on him myself.

I called my step-mom this morning and talked to her. She told me about the ventilator situation and said that the medicine they used to sedate him is the same kind that killed Michael Jackson. That does not bother me because he is in the hospital under supervision in the CCU unit.

I will definitely pray for my dad and hope that all turns out well. Now I am going to SLC to spend time with my family for my nephew's birthday, YEAH!!!

10 years of being married to my love!!!

We have officially made it 10 years of being married. I had a few scares during those 10 years where I did not think that we would see this day. With John's health being poor I remember quite a few times being in the hospital with him or in the ER room with him and thinking of things like: who should I call first, what will I do now, how do to make funeral arrangements, what would like to have in his funeral service, he wants to be cremated am I ready for that, and so forth.....

Even this last week while he was in the hospital I had those thoughts and it scared me. But I also know that I have a wonderful support system that will be there when I need them, so really no worries.

We have been so blessed these past 10 years, we have 3 wonderful blessings that are healthy, well behaved most of the time, beautiful, smart, loving (okay I could go on because I am their mom) and they are definitely the joys of our lives. We have been able to get through the difficulties we have faced with our marriage still intact, our faith in Christ still strong, our dreams of eternity still intact, and still in love.

I went to a funeral of a dear childhood neighbor this morning and listened to all of the wonderful talks and memories shared about her. I sat there thinking I am sad for the family members left behind to lose their wife, mother, grandmother, etc., but having the understanding that she is in heaven it made it so much easier to handle. They only found out less than a month ago that she had leukemia stage 5 and were told that she would not being going home from the hospital, and so it was. I sat and thought about all the times I played at her house with her daughters, going on a few excursions with them, and how she was a great lady. She is someone that I have been able to look up to in the role of a working mom. She worked graveyard shift so that she could be home with her kids and be able to attend all of their school functions, and she did. But if you tried to call their house in the morning it would be off the hook and you knew that she was sleeping. If I was over there when she was sleeping you had to tip toe across the front room floor, because her bedroom was directly below and she would come upstairs and get mad if you woke her up. Now as a mom who has decided to work a night shift, I totally understand now what she was going through. I deeply respect her decision and am glad that she was an inspiration to me. She also had the opportunity to help care for her mother when she had dementia and was unable to care for herself well enough. I remember going over there many times and she was off to take care of her mom, or there would be grandma spending the day with the family and eating dinner with them. She was able to show me compassion for others and taking care of your family.

I hope and pray that one day when I look back on my life I can say that I am not ashamed of the way I lived my life and hopefully I made a difference in the life of someone else.

Now if I can just be able to get John well enough so that we can spend our 20th anniversary together.....

Why does it take an episode to make you appreciate things?

Hubby had another episode that sent us to the ER. He had been vomiting all night and morning and was not able to keep anything down. We left home at 9:30 am and did not get home until 5:30 pm. It was a very long day in the ER and we were in a room with just a curtain between the room and the next room. It was very hard to sit there and have to listen to everything going on in the next room when I just want to concentrate on my hubby. We told the doc to call our doc and let him know what was going on so that my hubby could be admitted. They called and he was off for the day and talked to one of his associates. The associate did not want to be responsible for him being admitted. We did not even make it home, and he was vomiting again. We came home and I called some neighbors to come and give him a blessing. They gave him a lovely blessing and he calmed down a little bit. He was still very nauseated and still vomiting so I called the ER and they said to come back.

When we got up there they had a 1-1/2 hour wait. UGHHH!!!!! He was admitted this time but did not get into his hospital room until 4 hours later. I did not get to bed until after 1:30 because some dork kept calling the cell phone. I would answer thinking it could be the hospital and it was some dork saying oops, wrong number!!! I was so MAD!!! Then hubby called me at 6:30 in the morning to say that he had a bad night and needed me to bring clean unders.... oh the joy.

I went and spent the morning and left at about 1 p.m. My hubby called at 4 and then again at 5 in a panic needing me to come to the hospital. By the time I got there he was panicking and the CNA told me that they had given him a combination of pain med and nausea med and he was having a bad reaction. He was not breathing well, shaking his legs like crazy, eyes dilated, and definitely out of it. It took 4 hours for the meds to wear off and he was okay (well enough) that I came home to take care of the kids and get them into bed.

I definitely can say that I love my husband and it tears me apart to see him so sick like this. I have to remember what a blessing it is to have a husband and all the blessings that God has blessed us with. I can only take my family to heaven with me and that is what keeps me going down the right road, I want to be with them when I die!

Where does the time go??

Miko had her 4th birthday this last week and it had me thinking where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant and miserable in the July heat and then going to the hospital to have a C-section to get her out into this world. Her birth was memorable because they had just cut me open and got her head out and she was screaming. I think she was demanding that they put her back into that nice warm place and not out in the cold operating room. She has been screaming since. She is the little princess in the family but I love her so much. It is interesting to look at my 3 children and see how different each one is but yet they come from the same parents. She is the little demanding princess yet so full of love, willing to give anyone a hug and has to have snuggle time. Now she is 4 which means next year my baby will be going to school, wow how time flies. It is still amazing to me to realize that I am a wife and a mom now. I spent so many years being single and thinking that I would never have the opportunity to be in the place in my life. Now here I am with a husband and children who have given me more love than I could have ever believed possible. I thank God every day for those blessings in my life!!

A week and a half and still surviving, well sort of!

As you can see it has been 1-1/2 weeks since my furlough, UGHH!! I finally was able to file my first unimployment claim, but the bad part is that my claim was still open from February/March when I was last furloughed and therefore I will be paid the same as then, which bites since I am making more money now, but will not count because of the claim being opened in February. I do not have to look for a job technically, but I think to survive I will have to find work. I am having a hard time trying to decide what to do. I have been applying for every job within IRS that I can but still it is a long wait and then probably will be disappointment. I have already received 2 rejections saying that I do not have the experience necessary.

For all of those moms out there that stay at home, my heart goes out to you, you are saints! It has been very hard dealing with all the bickering and fighting from the kids, it just seems to be getting on my nerves right now, can't be that I am a little down with the furlough situation, hehehe!!!

Well only 9 more weeks (or so they say, more like 6 months according to the others at work that started last year).

Furlough time has arrived!

Last night they started the furlough process. They asked for volunteers and were taking up to 40. Only 24 volunteered and so that meant that they had to start the force volunteer process. There are 322 in the department and my number at this point is 235 so I was not involved in this first one, they went to 305. There was 1 volunteer in our team and 2 forced to furlough last night. Now it is time for the worrying every night when I go to work if they will tell me it it time for my furlough. I am currently applying for all permanent jobs that I am qualified for and hopefully I will be able to get one of them and then not have to worry about it, I will keep my fingers crossed and be on my knees asking the good Lord above for help.

Furlough time is officially around the corner!

We were called into a "meeting" in the hallway and they officially gave the "5-day furlough" notice. They are right now asking for 15 volunteers to be furloughed on Friday. If they get that many (which rumor has it that there will be more than 15 willing to go) then they will not use the recall numbers. My recall number right now is 235 out of a possible 322, so I have 87 people below me that could be called out before I am. The girls in my team that were there last year said that they did not even get a warning. They showed up for work and were told that if your number is between 250 and 310 (I think that was the number) then you are furloughed, clean our your desk, leave your badge, and go home. WOW, I hope that I takes at least a few weeks before I am furloughed. The longer I stay the better we are financially speaking. I was also told that if you opened a claim for unemployment within the last year, if you have not used it all up (which I did not) then you will receive the same amount as last time until it it all used up. That will really suck because I received unemployment in March for 2 weeks and it was based on my part time job pay, YUCK!!!! Also I applied for some detail jobs, where you work for a specified amount of days in a position; the ones I applied for were a day position and a swing shift position. I was informed that they filled the positions (16 in all) with permanent employees. That really bites my ---! They know that seasonals will be leaving soon due to the season is at the end and yet they filled the positions with permanent employees so that they can add that to their resume, while the rest of us have to figure out how to survive for the next say 6 months! UGH!!!!

Well I am off to take the kids to swimming lessons!