My life this week!

So I took John to the doc for a follow-up visit. He asked what the plan was and we said that nothing was really planned. We were not able to get insurance so that we could go to the surgeon in SLC before he retired in July. He then informed us that the surgeon decided not to retire after all. Our prayers have been answered. Now I just need to get back to work and work for 2 more months to qualify for insurance.

Then we went the next day and talked to a lawyer about fighting for disability. After telling him John's situation he feels that we can win the case. We will probably be denied again but he said that that was standard practice and to then appeal to be seen by a judge. He said that it can take up to a year and a half before all is said and done but he was very hopeful that we would win. It will be nice to have that extra money but it really sucks for John to have to admit it is time for disability. It has been hard to accept for him. I told him that stay-at-home moms do not get paid by the government and he will at least be getting money to help out the family. Now the wait begins.

And last but not least....my phone rang right at dinner the other night and I saw my dad's name on the phone and thought "now what story does he want to tell me about me?" I answered the phone and it was my step-mom (she never calls me) and said that she had to take my dad to the hospital that morning. The she says and I quote "he died on the table!" I gasped, and then she says "oh they shocked him twice and he came back and then they had to put 2 stents into his heart, he is in the CCU now." I about had a fit!!! You do not tell someone He died, that was horrible. She could have said your dad had a heart attack, that would be a little easier to hear. Then she proceeded to tell me that the doctors thought that he was doing well after surgery but she said that they have not been there and that he is not doing well. She said that they thought he would be transferred to a regular room the next day. I thought about it and having had experience in the art of being the spouse of someone in the hospital, I realized that yes you know them well, but the doctors do know what they are talking about.

I was going to call her yesterday for an update but thought that she would have been at the hospital and I did not have her cell phone number. When I did remember (after John reminding me) it was 10:30 their time and I figured it would not be a good time to call her. I called the hospital and after a few run arounds I finally found out that he was still in the CCU and that the nurse was in his room at that moment and they would have him call me back when he was done. The nurse called me about half an hour later and informed me that my had had gone into respiratory failure and distress and therefore they put him on a ventilator and sedated him. GREAT, now what do I do? The nurse was very gracious and helpful and told me that I could call back during the night if I needed to and that they would take good care of my dad. It is very hard to think that my dad could die but then again he is 67, not a young man, and he has had problems with his heart for a while now. I know that he will be in a wonderful place when he does die but still it is hard to think about. He lives in Texas and it is really hard to not be able to just run to the hospital and check on him myself.

I called my step-mom this morning and talked to her. She told me about the ventilator situation and said that the medicine they used to sedate him is the same kind that killed Michael Jackson. That does not bother me because he is in the hospital under supervision in the CCU unit.

I will definitely pray for my dad and hope that all turns out well. Now I am going to SLC to spend time with my family for my nephew's birthday, YEAH!!!

10 years of being married to my love!!!

We have officially made it 10 years of being married. I had a few scares during those 10 years where I did not think that we would see this day. With John's health being poor I remember quite a few times being in the hospital with him or in the ER room with him and thinking of things like: who should I call first, what will I do now, how do to make funeral arrangements, what would like to have in his funeral service, he wants to be cremated am I ready for that, and so forth.....

Even this last week while he was in the hospital I had those thoughts and it scared me. But I also know that I have a wonderful support system that will be there when I need them, so really no worries.

We have been so blessed these past 10 years, we have 3 wonderful blessings that are healthy, well behaved most of the time, beautiful, smart, loving (okay I could go on because I am their mom) and they are definitely the joys of our lives. We have been able to get through the difficulties we have faced with our marriage still intact, our faith in Christ still strong, our dreams of eternity still intact, and still in love.

I went to a funeral of a dear childhood neighbor this morning and listened to all of the wonderful talks and memories shared about her. I sat there thinking I am sad for the family members left behind to lose their wife, mother, grandmother, etc., but having the understanding that she is in heaven it made it so much easier to handle. They only found out less than a month ago that she had leukemia stage 5 and were told that she would not being going home from the hospital, and so it was. I sat and thought about all the times I played at her house with her daughters, going on a few excursions with them, and how she was a great lady. She is someone that I have been able to look up to in the role of a working mom. She worked graveyard shift so that she could be home with her kids and be able to attend all of their school functions, and she did. But if you tried to call their house in the morning it would be off the hook and you knew that she was sleeping. If I was over there when she was sleeping you had to tip toe across the front room floor, because her bedroom was directly below and she would come upstairs and get mad if you woke her up. Now as a mom who has decided to work a night shift, I totally understand now what she was going through. I deeply respect her decision and am glad that she was an inspiration to me. She also had the opportunity to help care for her mother when she had dementia and was unable to care for herself well enough. I remember going over there many times and she was off to take care of her mom, or there would be grandma spending the day with the family and eating dinner with them. She was able to show me compassion for others and taking care of your family.

I hope and pray that one day when I look back on my life I can say that I am not ashamed of the way I lived my life and hopefully I made a difference in the life of someone else.

Now if I can just be able to get John well enough so that we can spend our 20th anniversary together.....